Hocus Poke-Us Breakdown and Other Convention Thoughts

Man, I had a blast at the convention. I’m going to do a little under-the-hood talking here. Especially after the CO Springs convention.

First, bless Victoria (@HappyCamperTattoos) who fucking carried at CO Springs. She is a genuine friend and I loved spending time with her. But, beyond that, the weekend was a bit of a bust.

The organizers of CO Springs, Villain Arts, don’t give a shit. We were in a bad spot and, for me, the locals were not my customers. (shout out fiscally irresponsible, whimsical women, ya hearddddd!) You’ve all seen the reel, I lost $210.

Now, a lot of that is because, the second I got off the plane in CO Springs, I was $1,400 in the hole. Hotel, booth, plane, Uber will do that to ya.

Fast-Fuckin-Forward
to Hocus Fuckin Poke-Usssss

Hocus Poke-Us booths are $300, and I don’t live 2,000 miles from York, Pennsylvania. I actually live kinda close!

Barring snacks and gas, that’s the entire overhead. I always knew CO Springs wouldn’t be a HUGE win solely cause the math doesn’t math very well.

All I had to do was copy my mediocre performance from CO at Hocus Poke-Us and I’m well into quadruple digit profits.

We did that.

First, let me shout Sadie, the convention organizer and owner of Clover Tattoo in PA. She is so bought-in to see everyone succeed.

Thinking about her happiness to see me doing well and her encouraging words is kinda making me emotional right now (fuck, I am getting so soft as I get older). Thank you, Sadie.

—

Alright, so I crushed Hocus Poke-Us weekend. We’ll talk numbers.

I think my previous best weekend was Baltimore 2024, where I made $2,900 in a three day weekend.

At Hocus Poke-Us, I made $4,600+ in two days, not three. That is categorically insane. It would have been my best event ever even if it carried the $1,400 CO Springs price tag.

Loaves of Grain sold nearly $100 of bread 😂

Last year’s Hocus Poke-Us, I had my single best day ever (until this year), and didn’t know if it was a fluke or not. I came back this year and blew that number out of the water. Man, I’m still speechless.

And the worst part of it all is that Victoria tattoos at Hocus Poke-Us too. We don’t even need to go to Colorado to see Happy Camper Tattoos, we got Happy Camper Tattoos at home!

It’s obviously important to remember that I spend an entire month preparing for these events, and spend a lot up-front for the merchandise. That whole month beforehand, I’m usually netting a cool negative $1,200 in costs and materials.

Still, I will be very honest: I needed that. The turbulence of the world right now gets so heavy and this gig is hard! One step back feels catastrophic and shattering. Big wins alongside friends carry you for long periods though.

Okay, that’s enough about that. Thank you so much again, everyone.

I have finally gotten around to uploading every banner to the site to buy!
Check em out, even more on the site!

POTATO REVIEW:

Jesus Christ, Is That The Row 7 Poulette, “The New Potato That Took More Than A Decade To Develop, Starting With A Rare French Heirloom And Some Help From Cornell University Researchers???”

You’re god damn right it is.

It’s the Row 7 Poulette, ̶a̶ ̶n̶e̶w̶ ̶p̶o̶t̶a̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶d̶e̶c̶a̶d̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶e̶v̶e̶l̶o̶p̶,̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶F̶r̶e̶n̶c̶h̶ ̶h̶e̶i̶r̶l̶o̶o̶m̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶l̶p̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶C̶o̶r̶n̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶U̶n̶i̶v̶e̶r̶s̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶r̶e̶s̶e̶a̶r̶c̶h̶e̶r̶s̶.

Now, if you are somehow living under a rock, and not getting bleeding-edge consumer-produce eugenics content, I can fill you in that there is a new potato.

It’s big thing is that it tastes like roast chicken - allegedly. It’s only sold in a few select Whole Foods in NY, NJ, and CN. Luckily, I had a friend travelling to NY recently, and they secured the bag.

You read that right, they secured the Row 7 Poulette, ̶a̶ ̶n̶e̶w̶ ̶p̶o̶t̶a̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶d̶e̶c̶a̶d̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶e̶v̶e̶l̶o̶p̶,̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶F̶r̶e̶n̶c̶h̶ ̶h̶e̶i̶r̶l̶o̶o̶m̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶l̶p̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶C̶o̶r̶n̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶U̶n̶i̶v̶e̶r̶s̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶r̶e̶s̶e̶a̶r̶c̶h̶e̶r̶s̶.

Now you might be thinking, “FOG, how different could any potato be? How different is the Row 7 Poulette, ̶a̶ ̶n̶e̶w̶ ̶p̶o̶t̶a̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶d̶e̶c̶a̶d̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶e̶v̶e̶l̶o̶p̶,̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶F̶r̶e̶n̶c̶h̶ ̶h̶e̶i̶r̶l̶o̶o̶m̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶l̶p̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶C̶o̶r̶n̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶U̶n̶i̶v̶e̶r̶s̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶r̶e̶s̶e̶a̶r̶c̶h̶e̶r̶s̶?”

In all honesty, they’d be a real game-changer for vegans. I threw them in the oven and went to shower. Being a forgetful asswipe, when I came back I genuinely thought someone was cooking meat in the house.

Same thing the next day. My wife was reheating some for breakfast and I was like “Who’s sizzling sausage, baybeeeeee?”

They unmistakably taste like the potatoes you get from the bottom of the roasting pan. The ones under the chicken, with all the roasting veggies and stuff. They capture that exact sensory experience.

(notably, I simply modified my incredible, amazing, genre-defining potato recipe here, so they only has EVOO and salt on them.)

I was told that they cost $5 for a two-and-a-half pound bag, which is the going rate for fancy potatoes. I was expecting double that, and more-than-prepared to pony up for ‘em.

Say what you will about America … a Linc can still buy you a good amount of luxury, franken-tatoes that taste like roasted animal!

Actually, that is also my only qualm too: They don’t play support as well as a regular potato. They end up a bit redundant alongside the roasted meats they mimic, instead of being a nice plain counterpoint. Obviously, champagne problem.

So, yeah, I’m down! Good potato. I would rate these a solid

🌟9/10 Po Tay Toes🌟

They are about as good as a potato can get. If you’re vegetarian or vegan, these Row 7 Poulettes, ̶a̶ ̶n̶e̶w̶ ̶p̶o̶t̶a̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶d̶e̶c̶a̶d̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶e̶v̶e̶l̶o̶p̶,̶ ̶s̶t̶a̶r̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶F̶r̶e̶n̶c̶h̶ ̶h̶e̶i̶r̶l̶o̶o̶m̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶l̶p̶ ̶f̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶C̶o̶r̶n̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶U̶n̶i̶v̶e̶r̶s̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶r̶e̶s̶e̶a̶r̶c̶h̶e̶r̶s̶ should be on your list for sure.

BONUS NEWSLETTER
TOP-SECRET ANNOUNCEMENT:

It hasn’t been announced yet, but I’m too excited. Launching merch for one of my favorite shops in DC, Compliments Only Subs.

They were so fucking cool and let me do literally whatever I wanted.

So! November 15th, there will be a tattoo flash day with Cry Baby Studio (at least my good friend Simba will be tattooing there, I don’t know who else from Cry Baby will be tattooing) at the sub shop!

I will be there for a bit, I don’t know what I’ll actually be doing, I just designed the new merch lol. BUT IT’S GOOD.

Okay! That’s the newsletter!

As always, I love you.